Students

Moving from Newcastle to Oxford was, in many senses, overwhelming. The immediate aftermath of A Level success only to remember I had to live up to that at university surrounded by ‘geniuses’, living 260 miles away from home while the majority of my friends remained near people they knew, and the excitement of a completely new chapter in life beginning. I’d always known I wanted to move away from Newcastle for university, because even if it was scary, the chance for a new start was extremely appealing. What I didn’t anticipate were the overwhelmingly sad, lonely and hopeless feelings of the first term. A couple of weeks into my first term I broke down, realising that the weight of all these overwhelming feelings had become too much. I felt like I didn’t belong, I had ‘imposter syndrome’, I was desperately homesick, and I hadn’t made any proper friends.

Looking back, I can rationalise all these problems much more simply. The work was difficult because Oxford is a demanding university and I was comparing myself with students from elite private schools who had all been the best in their year groups- of course, it was going to be a challenge.

I was homesick because I was a Northerner in the South, so many miles from home surrounded by majority Southern classmates, yet being the odd one out doesn’t say anything about my intelligence or ‘right’ to be there. I hadn’t made proper friends because I was only three weeks in! What seemed like the end of the world at the time was really the tormenting consequences of constant comparisons with others. After this initial low period, the high points began to come quickly- I pushed myself to go to social occasions despite not wanting to, got involved and just talked to people, and now a year on I have a group of friends who I honestly hope will be friends for life. It does feel like there’s a pressure to prove yourself; I was in the minority as a very normal Northern girl with a regional accent, but once I found people who couldn’t care less where I was from, realised I sounded just as intelligent whether what I said was in a Geordie accent or in RP, and realised I didn’t have to be the best but should set my own personal standards and goals, I felt so much more comfortable.

I think the main take away from my experience is that people in general should change the way they talk about and set expectations for university. Sure, sometimes it might be full of parties, good times and immediate life-long friends. But we can’t ignore the homesickness, feelings of inadequacy and loneliness that are almost inevitable in your first year. Knowing that these things do happen, but with a bit of support and effort you CAN get through them, would have massively eased my mind.